I'll Take the Last Bite, No One Cares
I'll Take the Last Bite, No One Cares
Or maybe they do. In that case, you can take it. I'm full anyway.
Halo and happy Monday everyone! For those of you who’ve been here before, thanks for coming back. And for anyone else, welcome to Kepayang. 🌠
Brief introduction if this is the first time you hear from me, my name is Fabi. I’m a writer and initiator of Kepayang. Kepayang started as a platform for me to write about all things food, culture, and sustainability. But along the way, Kepayang has now evolved to be a community for foodie and anyone who likes to talk about food.
Today's newsletter is about a habit I've noticed around here: leaving the last bite or piece of food on the table untouched. It might seem harmless or even go unnoticed by some, but for others, it's become a bit of a running joke because of how absurd it can be. Despite its silliness, we keep doing it, and it often creates an awkward tension that, personally, I'm not a fan of. So why do we do this? And what are we hoping to achieve by doing it? Enjoy the read!
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Let me paint you a picture. It’s 2 PM on a Friday afternoon, and you’re working from the office. You regretted having that extra scoop of rice during lunch because now, even your Iced Long Black isn’t enough to keep you awake for the next three more hours of work. Fortunately, you notice a colleague approaching your cubicle from the left, carrying those unmistakable orange boxes that are J.CO Donuts. Your eyes light up.
It’s their last day today, and in most Jakarta offices, donuts are the go-to snacks for a farewell. In seconds, everyone grabbed a donut and spent five minutes top to do small talks. Occasionally, someone would glance back at the box to see if any are left, only to find just one lonely donut remaining. One by one, people pass on taking it and head back to their desks and by the end of the day, that one donut is still just sitting there, untouched.
This kind of scenario happens more often than you'd think. And it sort of became the running joke here in Indonesia.
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(Translation for above video: POV: only one piece left)
Leaving the last piece of food happens in many forms and settings and there are many reasons that I could think of why we do this.
1. Saving Face
This is usually true in a slightly uncomfortable setting — like an office, a hangout with a big group of friends, or a family gathering full of aunts, uncles, nieces, and nephews you don’t really know what to talk about (honestly there’s a lot of things I’m slightly uncomfortable about). As an Indonesian, I can tell you that saving faces is a big deal here. We care too much about what other people say and the last thing we want from them is for them to judge us — say, that we are greedy.
In these situations, people often leave the last bite of food to come across to be polite. We’re probably still hungry and have plenty of room to shove that last piece of bakwan jagung, but we still also want them to think that we are demure. So for now, it’s better for us to keep that thought to ourselves, rather than have others think that we can’t get enough of the food.
2. Being Considerate:
I’d say this one comes from a good intention — it’s better than worrying about what others think of us. Let’s say we’re having a sushi party with a big group of friends – it’s hard for us to keep track on who’s gotten what and who hasn’t.
“How many pieces of salmon sashimi did I get already?” “Did that end of the table got the tamagoyaki?” “Let me just leave this last piece of gyoza in case someone hasn’t had one yet”
Unfortunately, these questions are often, if not always, being kept to ourselves. We might finish eating in 40 minutes, then spend another 40 minutes chatting while occasionally glancing at the last pieces of sushi, hoping someone else will say something about it.
3. Genuinely Full
It is what it is. Sometimes, and I’m guilty of this too, we underestimated the food we ordered. Whether it’s ordering a bit too much terong raos (deep fried crispy eggplants) for the table, not expecting how rich the creamy potato gnocchi would be, or mistakenly believing we had more room for the poffertjes (small Dutch pancake) at the end. Mistakes do happen, and personally, if the leftovers were on my plate, I would usually just suck it up and cram in those last spoonfuls. But if the food was meant to be shared, I’m sure everyone can contribute to finishing it. I can’t blame anyone for being full, but I also doubt that they can’t just help take the last few pieces of poffertjes.
All these reasons are valid, but when everyone thinks like that, we end up stuck in a limbo of who gets the last bite.
What will happen next is usually the awkward tension of saying nothing. It’s obvious that the food is sitting there, lonely, getting cold, and waiting to be eaten. But we will all be pretending to not see it when in reality we do.
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(Translation for above video: POV: only one piece left)
Then at some point, there will usually be that one person who finally points out the obvious: “Hey, we still have one slice of pizza. Anyone want it?”. And naturally, this leads to a bunch of responses just like before.
“You can have it. I’m good,” someone said, passing the pressure to another person.
“Oh no, I’m too full,” another says, giving their belly a light tap to justify their point.
“I’ll pass. I’m on a diet,” someone else added, even though they’re not really on a diet and know that, if they were, that last slice wouldn’t make a difference.
This back-and-forth goes on until one person finally bites the bullet and grabs the last slice. And just like that, the case is closed. So painful to watch honestly.
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(Translation for above video: Honestly, it's too long for me to translate, but the point is they're just passing around the hot potato to decide who gets to eat the last piece of pizza.)
I shared this story with a few of my non-Indonesian friends, and what I initially thought was just an Indonesian thing, or at least an Asian thing turned out to be a universal trait among us people-pleasers.
Sometimes, this goes so far that it leads to splitting food into absurdly tiny portions. It might start as a reasonable solution — like cutting the last bite of your matcha tiramisu in half so both you and your friend can have an equal amount. But then, what would you do when your friend, instead of taking their half, decides to slice it again? Just two people-pleasers in a room. They might kiss.
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I think the takeaway here is that instead of getting caught up in feeling awkward or hesitant, we can just be assertive about it.
Being assertive is a particularly hard thing for most Indonesians to do, including me. Assertiveness can come across as aggressive in most Asian cultures, so I 100% understand why many people would avoid it. So one of the ways we can do in this situation is to first offer the last bite, and if no one else wants it, take it yourself. No fuss, no awkwardness.
Being straightforward saves everyone from overthinking, and you get to enjoy the food without all the unnecessary hesitation. Sometimes, someone has to step up and take the last bite, so why not let it be you?
Other contents that I made recently:
🎪 Read about the wacky way we Indonesians name our food: here.
🌊 Read about the sus Maluku’s seaweed industry: here
🌱 Read the news on Aceh’s recent ganja control actions: here.
🍚 Read the news on how to combat rice-dependency: here.
🔥 Read a whole ass essay on Indonesia’s hot sauce, Saus Sambal: here.
📖 Read about how recipes don’t and do matter at the same time: here
☕️ Read about the different coffee culture waves and how they are today: here.
🐈 Read my first literary review, on food representation in a short story: here.
🥤 Read this essay if you like sugary drinks: here.
🍞 Read an essay on Indonesia’s wheat dependency problem: here.
If you like today’s newsletter, please like and share it with your friends! Comment down below your thoughts and let me know if you have any other topics you want me to discuss. Until then, I’ll see you in two weeks!
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